We spend too much time talking about our pasts, and she came up again. This girl who I can’t help but compare myself to. She’s brilliant, talented, quirky; I’ll be the first to admit it. She’s cool. And that’s killed me for the longest time, because I’ve spent a good portion of my life quietly wishing I was a “cool person.” I’ve never done much of anything about it, but all the same…
He told me a couple of times that she was too much, but I didn’t like that. It implied, even if I was “just right,” that I was less. And I didn’t want to be less than she was. I hate that feeling more than anything… I hate feeling small.
But today was different. He told me that every day he gets to know me better, he appreciates how genuine I am and sees how contrived she was. That I’m not a persona, but a person.
It shouldn’t have taken me this long to realize I don’t have to try to be anything.
I just have to be me.
